He overlooked these transgressions at first, perhaps out of guilt. But then, the following Wednesday, the 50-something Vietnam vet got home from work ...o find his daughter watching a disgustingly illegal porn-movie on his DVD player. It was obviously an amateur-made movie starring two girls no older than ten jerking off a man old enough to be their father. And she, his teenage daughter, was sitting in his chair watching this trash, rubbing herself between her legs under her tiny, slutty little. Real estate, nursing...I didn't really know what the hell kind of degree I'd wind up with someday. But that didn't really matter to me. Not the way my sister matters.If I jogged the whole way home from NSCC, I could be waiting at the curb as the mailman drove up in front of our little house in his rotting Jeep with the steering wheel on the wrong side.When I run like that in the summer the sweat drips off me. But this was winter. A deep inhalation of frigid air felt like a thousand tiny daggers. It was only later that night when the guilt set in. Deep, long-lasting. For four days, I did not dare talk to him. For three nights, I tossed and turned. My sleeping dreams resounded with the barks of masters, parents, judges, magistrates, reproaching, shaming, condemning. Then I'd wake to waves of relief knowing it was a dream. I hadn't done anything wrong; I wasn't going to prison. A mere moment later I'd be overwhelmed by the consciousness that I had indeed done something heinous.And yet, I. Both the toddlers were growing and their demands for our quality time had increased. On Saturday Pradeep will take them out and I would do the to-do-list. On Sundays I would take them out and Pradeep would do the shopping. Luckily groceries and veggies were looked after by mother and they sould come home thru our trusted home-delivery guy. Even then we had hardly any quality time for ourselves. We use to greet each other in the morning only. Our schedules for going to bed were far between. We.
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